The Pendulum

"Greed and lust, though they have always been friends, have never formed quite the cartel they have formed now. It is global. It is profitable."

- Neal A. Maxwell

The adversary is clever to deceive the hearts of the children of men when he tailors his instruments towards SELF. Satan has parades surrounding us to feed our pride. He creates systems that offer the same principles as the Gospels, only completely counterfeit and pointed at the natural man. It is to feed ourselves power to climb up the "greasy hierarchy" of the powers of this world. The people lost in these parades are, as Paul describes, "ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth" (2 Tim 3:7). I call it the American Dream. It is perfectly described in Jacob chapter 7 when Sherem, under the influence of the adversary, obtains power and seeks for authority, recognition, and wealth (it is no wonder the Book of Mormon associates wealth and 'costly apperal' with apostasy?). He is lifted to the desire of his heart, then dropped. Satan will lead you to power then he will leave you abandoned. It is the principle against the natural man that is taught in the Book of Mormon time and time again. You cannot place mammon before God. You cannot place anything before God. Money will not satisfy the thirst of your soul. Eternity, and God are more real than what we are experiencing on earth. It is a reality that we live preoccupied with the lesser things in life that are not "portable." When we succumb to the priorities of the world, lesser things become our priorities. Priorities are the window to the desires of our hearts, when God is not first, our hearts become hard. It as if concrete blocks pile one on top of the other until it is against God's own laws speak to us. He will, only if we ask.

I've just seen this too many times. Satan's tricks are not creative, he does not change what works. The results are always the same, it's the same equation every time. Mom pointed out to me "truth + truth + lie = he's won" (you've lost). Think about Eve in the Garden of Eden: two truths, one lie!

The Smith's aren't sure what to do right now. They're reading the Book of Mormon again, but only because we ask. Jessica and I had one of the most heart wrenching discussions I've had in my life when she told me about her feelings. She doesn't know if this is for them. She admit her heart has become hardened. I asked her if she wanted to feel the same way she felt before they went to California, she didn't really give me an answer. She told me they like to have us over, but it's become more because they like to host than they think this is the course for them. They know what they've felt, I think we need to remind them of that. Once they've softened they'll come back to it. It was interesting, a few weeks ago I was trying to obtain a promise from the Lord in my fast that maybe they will be baptized the 30th. Every time, the Spirit said otherwise. I had to continue to revise my petition to the Lord. I did feel an overwhelming feeling that they will be baptized in time. So it's not over. We still have a few more weeks with them. We will continue to teach them, hopefully they'll "be believing." She knows that's what she must do. Their faith is so new, so fragile. Pray for them, please. "Whatsoever ye shall ask in faith [in Christ], being united in prayer according to me command, ye shall receive" (D&C 29:6).

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore TAKE UNTO YOU THE WHOLE ARMOUR OF GOD, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, HAVING DONE ALL, TO STAND" (Ephesians 6:12-13).

We met a less active tracting a few weeks back and scheduled an appointment with her and with Sister Quinn. She was upfront with us in that she appreciates the visit, but doesn't want to come back to church, what's new! We arrive, sit, sang a song for them, the Spirit was so thick you could probably put it in your pocket and sprinkle it onto everyone else you talked with that day. We prayed. She's moved. We start in 1 Nephi 1. She starts to testify to us of the truthfulness of the Gospel, the Spirit moves her to continue, she talks about how she is a daughter of God, HER TESTIMONY WAS FLYING OUT OF HER MOUTH... They she shut the book and told us she didn't want to do this anymore. It's like she thought you could turn the facet off and the Spirit would stop. It didn't. We sang again, she's just in tears. She opened up about her concerns and just isn't ready to repent. Sister Quinn offered her a place next to her at church. We left. We will follow up with her in a few weeks, she's still down for visits. My heart just ACHES. WHY do people want to go through life the easy, hard way. The Gospel is the hard, at first, easy way. It is the best way to live your life, true or not! (but it is true).

Through all of that we met multiple families who want us to come share more with them, most of them are busy until Thanksgiving though! So that was just wonderful. 

Only one set of the six sisters we work with isn't training a new missionary - things are crazy.

I feel so focused with all that is happening. I had the worst dream (nightmare) last night about going home, I feel like it's in the back of my mind and is just nagging at me. The stake president brought it up, I just started crying ha. He said something helpful however. He told me to have faith in God's plan for ME, that He can created a great path. It's a strange thing to think that you also have to have faith in your own life, not just others'. Uncomfortable almost.

THROW BACK TO WHEN SISTER TARAWHITI AND I WANTED TO BE COMPANIONS!!! (last year) The first snow, last year!

Throwback to Maria, before and after the Gospel. Look at her light.

My Constant

Everyone has questions of the soul. I have felt my own triggered this week from many of the people I talked with, and even some of you. Their experiences have caused me to reflect on God's wisdom, His love, grace, mercy, long-suffering, I came to Him with questions. Sister Tarawhiti took a nap during lunch one day while experiences and stories created a whirlwind in my mind. At first I notices others' thoughts filling my brain, but as I continued to ponder I came to the knowledge of a sweet, eternal reality. It was so liberating to admit that I don't have faith in the world, at all. I actually don't even have hope in it. I don't need faith in this, nor hope. Moroni confirms that in chapter 7 verse 41. WHAT IS IT THAT YE SHALL HOPE FOR? BEHOLD I SAY UNTO YOU THAT YE SHALL HAVE HOPE THROUGH THE ATONEMENT AND THE POWER OF HIS RESURRECTION, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of YOUR FAITH IN HIM ACCORDING TO THE PROMISE. I have faith in Christ, because of the promises I have made with Him in the temple and at baptism. I understand that I don't have faith in anything else, and I don't need it. I am faithful and confident as I think about being spit into a world of chaos and discrimination that I will not need to worry, because I am building upon a ROCK, a SOLID FOUNDATION, whereon if men build upon, they CANNOT FALL. We need to read the scriptures the way they were written, it is simple and so plain. Christ is my constant, and that is my theme for my final transfer. HE IS MY CONSTANT. My eyes are being opened to see that the Book of Mormon is the patriarchal blessing for our nation. The principles taught in it will tie us to God, and allow us to lead HAPPY, JOYFUL LIVES in a world, where, like Moroni, you must stand firm and strong. What we are asked to do, is to have charity towards ALL MEN. To LOSE yourself in the cause of bringing up those around you. He has blessed me with gifts I know come from Him, and I feel the responsibility to use them for His benefit.

As I have strived to take care of one thing, my faith in Christ. I have realized that He is LIVING, WORKING, BREATHING, and ever involved with every detail. He is the way things get done around here. It's simplified my missionary work, just realizing that that's all I need to worry about. I have gained a confidence in Him. He is not stationary, He is actively involved in all that I am doing. I am glad I can see His hand, whether it be in the knowledge and testimony He has given me, or the blessings He's surrounded me with. I love the Lord.

Saturday night I sat down with Chuck. Linda and Sister Tarawhiti were talking, so I took the opportunity to really understand what Chuck is feeling. He hadn't received the priesthood yet, and was scared. I could feel it. Chuck and I have a special connection where I feel like we understand each other's souls. I wrote on a sticky note, as I did when he was baptized, LEAN ON MY FAITH. His feet are strengthening as he gives himself permission to stand. He received the priesthood the following day. I have learned that often times we don't even have to leave people with a commitment, the Spirit does that for us. How grateful I am for Christ, who is involved in all our lives. We have a loving Father who DOES (though it may seem otherwise, it is never not) do everything for our benefit. We went over to the Quinn's for lunch after church with the Segars where Brother Quinn was able to give us all the Priesthood talk. I was so glad to see Chuck open up to Brother Quinn. I want Chuck to learn about the Priesthood through a Priesthood holder who can walk him through it the rest of his life, and I know that the Quinn's would be willing to do that.

Chris and Jessica returned home from their California trip (I missed them so much) and reported that they hadn't read the Book of Mormon. They opened up about their concerns during church. They're figuring out how to hold onto many of their stances on some of the more controversial topics of the Gospel, while also understanding that the Gospel FILLS them completely like nothing else around them. They recognize that there was a void that was filled as we came over. We started our lesson singing I Need Thee Every Hour, it brought the Spirit in in such a lovely way. I love how music does that. We dropped their date for now, they have so much going on this month. We want them to be excited and ready for that day!!

The Ortega family is built on a rock. We see them almost daily and hope to be able to teach their son Diego soon, he came to church! How I LOVE the way Jesse parents. He does everything he does with LOVE and with a vision of eternity. He will do great things in our branch (soon to be a ward). He owns the Priesthood man. He is meek, and lowly. When I think of those qualities, how meekness is humility in action, not just the surface of it, I think of Jesse. How he loves his family and will do anything for them. Silvia wears her heart on her sleeves and everyone else's! That woman knows how to love as well! Her testimony and knowledge of a living Christ is inspiring. She lifts from where she stands and is a light in their home. Ariez had a great experience of repentance, where she kneeled down and felt the freedom of repenting. It is healing. They are sprinting along the strait and narrow path. We have the Wilsons as home teachers and all went over to their home for dinner last night. I love that I can count on the members to take care and love those I love so much.

I said it before, I'll say it again. Heavenly Father wanted me to experience what charity feels like, so He blessed me with these people. They have taught me unconditional love. With all my heart I would do anything for any of them. ANYTHING. 

Sister Tarawhiti is just a spark of light into every conversation we make with those around us. While I was on exchanges she visit one of our referral families, the Quinn's old neighbors, and taught the Restoration. We will be back to their home before the 6th, so I can meet them! What a bomb companion I have! Even when I was on exchange I LONGED to be in Yarmouth, almost to the point of tears I missed those we were teaching that night. I come home to a house at 9:30, but their homes are my home. I was, for one of the first times, truly homesick, and I was only gone for 24 hours. How I LOVE these people and want to spend every minute of my life watching them grow in the Gospel and see their families come closer together. The blessings of this Gospel are so real.

Bella Ortega's beautiful hair.

Weekly planning during Halloween

The Lone Trump

The two minute warning has sounded; we have reached the end of the last quarter of the game. It is the "eleventh hour" (D&C 33:3). The winner has already been determined, but what is the score? The Lord's laborers are few, but mighty in His hands. He gives them a pep talk: they have played a good game, a close game at that, but it is not over. There is still time, just enough to take the offense to the end. It's been exhausting, wet, cold, yet successful. The laborers are EXHAUSTED, but will not go down without a fight.

Lift up your voices as with the SOUND OF A TRUMP (D&C 33:2). In seminary this morning Brother Knighton compared it to a lone trumpet playing taps. Trumpets are annoying instruments when they aren't played in the right settings (in my opinion anyway), but the one picture running through my mind is the lone trumpet on Memorial Day playing taps. All stand around in solemn silence, the spirit is "quick, and powerful, sharper than a two-edge sword" (D&C 33:1). The air is alive with the souls of those who have gone before you. It's alive, yet so still it's sacred. You don't dare to breathe a word to disrupt the serenity and power of silence. That is how I want to spend the rest of my mission: declaring the Gospel as with a sound of a trump. With the Spirit of revelation and prophecy, with great power that comes with authority. We are lone, but we can be like the lone trumpet.

This morning was Ariez's first time in seminary. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see someone at 6:15 in the morning as I was to see her there. Brother Knighton was talking about the ELECT and how Ariez is elect because she is believing and hearkens unto His voice (D&C 33:6). He asked if we'd been a part of her conversion, she nodded her head. He asked if we've changed her life forever, she nodded with eagerness. I was about to LOSE it. I can't even begin to take in the reality of these blessings. Heavenly Father has given me abilities equal to my opportunities to preach His Gospel.

Sister Tarawhiti and I always seem to receive revelation as we talk with each other, it's one of the reasons why companionship study holds some of the greatest memories of my mission. We talked about humility, and I made an interesting comparison. It's not very nice, but I learned a lot from it! Ha! We are like the teenage girls that keep getting into the wrong crowd, Heavenly Father plays the Father. You can tell the girl she's making all the wrong decisions, but she won't change because she's stuck. Your words are like wind passing through her fingers. Nothing you say will impact her until she decides to listen. It's humility. It's coming to God, with a contrite heart, willing to change. The reason we don't progress, and often fall short is because we are weighed down with such unnecessary baggage that we stumble and fall. We must let go of the baggage. When we are humble, we give it up. We aren't free until we do that. Just like the trapped daughter, she is stuck until she reaches for help. 

We went on two exchanges this week, we were barely in our area. I went to Damariscotta with Sister Keown and then we blitzed Oxford with Sister Banda. The weather was nasty this past week - RAIN, COLD RAIN, LOTS OF RAIN. Sister Banda was a champ. We kept going through it all and found really solid families for them to teach! It was the most successful tracting I've ever done! IN THE POURING RAIN! I wore my Hunter wellings and raincoat. Before we got in the car I took my boots off and poured out all the water IN them, wrung my socks out, it was all worth it. SO COLD.

Oh yes, this past week was my last zone conference. We watched Meet the Mormons and read all about the Atonement in the Book of Mormon. President Stoker's leadership is incredible, simply because of how much trust he has in us. He figures that if the Lord trusts us as much as he does, than he can too. Our entire conference was on the Book of Mormon! We trained all the missionaries on what I sent you last week, fasting and prayer. We saw some neat miracles from fasting this week as well. We found this adorable family down the street from us in Cumberland. They have the cutest home, they're just the cutest people!! They want us to come back! The mom's name is Karen, she was so sweet, even at 8:45 at night while we were tracting ha! That never happens!

Looking at the map wondering where we're going to go next in Sister Cotant's old blanket.

Perfect Faith

My entire mission and all the knowledge I've received along the way paved the way to the knowledge I received this week regarding faith, fasting, and prayer. My prayers have been tailored to understand what was taught to us last night through Brother Wilson (I am grateful for his knowledge, and for sharing it to help me understand the potential my faith has). I want to share with you my notes, but you'll only understand them if you are sufficiently humble. We're talking faith you must have in Christ's perfect faith to align the will of the Father with our own desires. Heavenly Father's will is whatever we have faith to receive. The 40 day fast that we did in September is exactly this kind of faith. Faith that things which do not normally happen, transpire because of our faith in Christ. God has perfect faith, and the Priesthood is access to God's perfect faith. We must only have faith in that to obtain any blessing from the Lord! This is the kind of faith where if sufficient faith had not been exercised the miracle would not have happened, repeating that point because I have seen that. You and I know where the root of these blessings come from, the blessing of baptizing the Ortega family, and soon the be the Smith family, Chuck Segars, it all comes from God. This faith is the faith to CAUSE things to happen. When we unite our faith in Christ it is impossible for the Lord to withhold blessings from us, which He does NOT want to do. He only withholds blessings from us so we can learn how to exercise the kind of faith to pull down to powers of heaven according to our desires - so you must have PURE desires! Brother Wilson talked with us about how we can ask for the right things for the wrong reasons, and that's why we don't receive blessings most of the time. 

The first thing you must do to have a POWERFUL fast is have a REAL desire that burns so badly it's a need. Moroni 7:33-34. Also, is it a righteous desire? The scriptures are littered with righteous desires, so search those! Your faith is limited upon the knowledge that this is a real, pure desire. How do you know if it's righteous or not after searching the scriptures/ ASK GOD of course!

Next step: WRESTLE with the Spirit. Please your case. Pray like never before to obtain a promise from the Lord that He sees and acknowledges your desire. If you haven't received a confirmation from the Spirit, you might have to refine your desires to get the confirmation you need to fast with faith. 

While you fast, you must continue to wrestle with the Lord in prayer. The hard work is JUST beginning. Fast for Him to know it's a desire! Remember, when you receive a confirmation from the Spirit, the Spirit CANNOT LIE. so have faith in that! The Lord will wait for our desire and faith to be on point. 

Do all you can do to follow through, in whatever case that may be. Say we want to baptize a family, then we must put in the work to find the family while wrestling with the Spirit and keeping our hearts pure. 

 31 Who am I, saith the Lord, that have promised and have not fulfilled?

 32 I command and men obey not; I revoke and they receive not the blessing.

 33 Then they say in their hearts: This is not the work of the Lord, for his promises are not fulfilled. But wo unto such, for theirreward lurketh beneath, and not from above. (D&C 58:31-33)

13 Require not miracles, except I shall command you, exceptcasting out devils, healing the sick, and against poisonousserpents, and against deadly poisons;

 14 And these things ye shall not do, except it be required of you by them who desire it, that the scriptures might be fulfilled; for ye shall do according to that which is written. (D&C 24:13-14)

Fasting is a completely Spiritual event, we know that through fasting our faith GROWS. There's a correlation there I'd like to learn more about when I have access to more than the lds library. 

There's a wall between us any any blessing from the Lord that can only be broken in our perfect faith in the Savior's perfect faith! 

Little notes from this week: God has allowed us to become like Him, because we have already the full potential to become like Him.

President Stoker did an amazing training in MLC on the HEALING power of the Atonement. I will share some of his thoughts with some of my own as I've pondered. I couldn't help but think of many of you as I pondered about the different struggles we are have in life. It's an odd thing, because many of us deal with the same sin, and have the same consequences, yet we need an individual remedy tailored to our unique circumstances. We all need to be healed. We all experience pain from either our own sins or those around us. Chris experienced the pains of mortality prior to the Atonement, in fact much of His life was spent alone! We develop great growth and maturation through healing. Healing causes us to change. Healing HURTS - mentally and spiritually. Chris cares more about our growth and development than he does our own suffering, because the change we undergo is vital to who we need to become. Healing is a gift that requires suffering. 

3 Steps to HEALING:

1) Courage. The making of action in spite of fear. We gain courage by facing the truth that we need to change. We must be honest with ourselves. Make your private life the same as your public life. Live differently than the world lives! 

2) Action. 2 Nephi 2:16. Action is the point where belief turns into faith. ACTING in faith leads to grace. Truly I have come to understand that acting in faith is the trial of mortality. We are here learn the faith that God has, that is why we have been given a veil to shield us from spoiling the experience. Fear of man and procrastination keep us from acting in faith and learning this beautiful lesson! Procrastination is failure to repent now. "The more often a person fails without action the less he will be able to act, the less he will be able to feel." C.S. Lewis ( I love that President Stoker is always quoting C.S. Lewis). We overcome procrastination through prayer.

3) Grace. Courage into action to receive help through Christ. Grace proved: Mosiah 24:13-16, Alma 31:31-38. We receive grace through the Holy Ghost, because the Holy Ghost is the vehicle through which we receive love from God. We experience grace through others - ANGELS in mortality. We extend grace through the ways we show love, often our words.

We saw all these things come together in action as the Ortega family was baptized yesterday. This is what it feels like to receive whatever you have faith to receive through the cumulative faith of a branch. I looked over to see them, dressed in white, ready to make a covenant with the Lord. They accessed the Atonement for the first of many times in their loves. We watched as the three of them went down individually to be baptized. I was completely overwhelmed with the Spirit (even with all the chaos of putting on a family baptism).Heavenly Father promised to us as we fast for 40 days for this to happen that it would happen, in His own time, in His own way, and it HAPPENED. A spirit of excitement and beginnings filled the chapel as they filed in. We had a moment to talk with Jesse about how it was while waiting for the girls to get changed after, he sees this as such a blessing. It is so real to him. He is meek and humble, understanding deeply the feelings of the Spirit and giving them place in his heart. Ariez was overcome with "warm fuzzies" and even a desire to serve a mission. Silvia couldn't even believe how wonderful it was! Words cannot convey the experience of watching a family enter into the waters of baptism. Heavenly Father is teaching me what charity really feels like, I am so grateful for that. He understood the desires of my heart and has answered them.

Along with things prayed for... Chris and Jessica Smith have a date to be baptized on November 30th. Chris bore his testimony of God. We were all in a puddle of tears as he did so. It had to come from something outside of himself. God heard his prayers, and all of ours! It was a mark for the beginning of his relationship with God on earth. They are such a driven family! Driven to acheive whatever they put their minds and hearts to! They want the best for their family and are getting that with the Gospel. They get it. They just get it! Jessica is going 58(I believe) hours without coffee for the first time coming up this week.

Chuck and Linda Segars are preparing their family history so they can take their families to the temple! Same with Ali. There's connecting energy all around you whenever you help someone do family history. It's a sign that the hastening of the work is real, and is happening ALL AROUND US in a very literal way.

My companion, Sister Tarawhiti, is the best person to be with me right now. It's so helpful to have a spiritual giant you can bounce ideas, faith, and everything off of! She lifts me higher and aspires me to try harder. I love that she invites all around her to repent, she takes that literally, and you can see people's lives change because of it! She's a miracle worker.

Sorry if I don't write some of you back this week, please take this as the response!

Photos:

the night we got to the mission home. I was so tired.

Sister Tarawhiti and I laughing at something.... the laugh that makes you hurt.

SISTER PANKRATZ!! I didn't even mention exchanges this week! We prayed SOOOO HARD for a miracle to happen. The sisters just got shotgunned into Topsham and have no one to teach! RIGHT after we left, they found a family to teach. The Lord answers our prayers when we do our best, and He sees fit to grant us according to our desires. I love Sister Pankratz and Sister Smith.

simplicity

Tuesday we felt like it was time to set a baptismal date with Chris and Jessica... SO... We asked Heavenly Father and He said to teach a lesson on eternal families in the temple. We taught the lesson and the room felt as if we were in the temple. The solace in the room taught them more then any word I could ever say. Chris' mother was totally there as we talked about her. Chris told us that it would take him a while to be baptized. He didn't grow up with a belief of God. The Spirit was strong so we took the moment to invite them to fast about a baptismal date on fast Sunday. The words slipped out of my mouth so comfortably, it was natural. They both looked at each other, then back at me and agreed to try it! The Wilson's took the Smith's to see Meet the Mormons. It brought so much clarity to their minds and provided a perfect mindset for their fast the next day. We get to branch council and start talking about the Smith's only to have Brother Wilson provided information that made me drop to the ground!

After we had left Tuesday night, Chris turns to Jess and said "well, you know what we need to do already." WHAT. So they came into the fast knowing that they'll be baptized, the fast confirmed to them that it is right. Chris then turned to Charlie and said "Charlie, do you believe in God?" "Yes." "Why do you believe in God?" "Because He loves me." Chris believes in God. We complicate things as we get older. He loves us, it's that simple.

Jessica and I were talking after church about how coffee will be a struggle, but she's so grateful that she's seen the day where Chris is more ready than she is. Her prayers have been answered. She expressed her desires for Charlie, how BADLY she wants for him to serve a mission, and have an eternal family. It brought me to tears realizing how the Lord works in His own way, in His own time. I trust His plan. Jessica wants us to come over Tuesday and set a baptismal date with them. Also, I'll just throw in that they LOVE the Book of Mormon and see a difference in the days they do read, and the days they don't.

Ariez Ortega (15) walked out of her baptismal interview BEAMING with light. She yelled "I finally felt that warm feeling everyone keeps talking about!!" We jumped up and down with JOY for her baptism in a week!!! Also, Jesse and Silvia have breezed through the Book of Mormon! THEY HAVE LOVED IT, it aligns with the Bible so well for them and makes logical sense. We watched the Restoration Friday night with them, a girls night, with smoothies and blankets on their bed. Best Friday night. The Ortega's home is a party for us. They have about as much energy as I do, we are really similar.

Chuck Segars bore his testimony on Sunday. I was in PIECES. Sunday was the most incredible day!! I lost it! I almost wanted to leave because love penetrated my heart so deeply I didn't know what to do.

I don't think I've ever experienced this kind of love, it FILLS MY BODY AND SOUL, motivates, cures, does everything. I am experiencing the highest of highs right now like I have never experienced before. I am learning more from it than ever. Words cannot be written about the way I feel about this branch.

What I love about the Yarmouth Branch is how much they care for the people we teach. They pray for them BECAUSE THEY LOVE THEM AND THEY ARE THEIR FRIENDS, not because we make cute bookmarks to remind them. They love them. Missionary work is not "work" at all.

Gotta go... emails were cut in half this week! Love you!

I didn't even GET TO EXCHANGES WITH MY MISSION BABY SISTER COLLINS. TALK ABOUT THE BEST 24 HOURS OF MY MISSION!!!! She is incredible in every way...

I cooked salmon... best meal I've made on my mission.

With wings as EAGLES

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

"Endurance is even more than elasticized courage, for it underwrites all the other virtues across the expanse of life. Without endurance, the other virtues would be episodic; faith would be fitful, and virtue transitory." - Neal A Maxwell

There was a lot of talk about opposition in conference. Whenever we are consecrating ourselves to the Lord we are just ASKING to walk the path of opposition (see President Monson's talk on walking the paths of the Savior). We must learn the extremes to understand the character of God in ways we otherwise wouldn't be able to. Understanding the character of God builds our foundation of faith. Faith and patience make a great companionship. I had an interesting thought on patience as I lied in the apartment sick: patience enables us to undergo a character change similar to repentance, that cannot come through anything else except patience itself. It is a godly virtue, which is interesting because it revolved around time, which God doesn't have because He is everlasting. There is no other way for true growth to occur. I think of the people of Alma in Mosiah, when they were doing exactly what the Lord had commanded them to do, were required to endure a trial that would test their patience. It was necessary to their growth and development as consecrated followers of the Lord.

"And on gods time ... Who knows what he has. He may have time, just lots of it. But it does take time to acquire and test attributes of character. That is why the old are much different than the young. The old wise folks who had chosen time and time again to build character feel different than the youth who choose to pick things that develop character. Time is a big piece in the equation of becoming as God is. I guess that's why our spirits continue to progress even after this life!" - my mother

The Gospel allows us to have the extended vision of the purposes of life that enable us to learn and grow. "Where there is no vision the people perish." We cannot reach a destination we do not have. The Gospel gives us the destination, and sets markers lining the way to reach that destination.

D. Todd Christofferson, WHAT A MAN! I loved his talk! How fun it was to see Sister McConkie up there Sunday morning and what an incredible, sustaining talk she gave.

Conference was a testimony to me that the Lord calls normal men and women to do His work. He truly does qualify the called if we choose. I love how President Eyring always quotes D&C121. The General Authorities of the church manage to convey such pure love and real intent whenever they speak. Nothing was new in conference, we will continue with the same patterns the Lord has established, but I love the way they present them. It always brings a new zeal and drive to follow the Savior.

I learned that it's a good idea to listen to your companion, even when they urge you to do things you wouldn't want to do. We went to district meeting Wednesday and I felt AWFUL. She encouraged me to stay in, and I did. I had a 101 degree fever. Resting gave us extra time to read BYU talks that I've been dying to read, but just haven't had the time. President Stoker challenged us to read the WHOLE Book of Mormon by October 22nd, going at 18 pages a day now. I was so behind. It was nice to have time to dive deep into the scriptures and ponder, and SLEEP. I'm still recovering, but doing better, still just exhausted. As of Friday evening we are back on the normal schedule.

Incredibly, all 5 of our investigators watched conference and had uplifting experiences. Jessica and Chris started by watching the Priesthood session. We thought they were watching the normal sessions. We get a text from Jessica asking "where are all the women?" Oops... our bad for not letting them know there's a Priesthood session! All was well though. We made them a scripture progression chart to mark where they are in the Book of Mormon. Jessica went ALL YESTERDAY WITHOUT COFFEE.

She asked why men don't hold the Priesthood and this answer came flying out of my mouth, and helped me understand the Priesthood so much better! Women are the portal to bring souls into this life. Men help them to return by providing the necessary power to bind us back to God through covenants. Women help us here, and men help us home. It's not a power struggle. My personal opinion on this whole women and the priesthood thing is that people are ignorant. If they just take their questions to the Lord and go to the temple fasting with a prayer in their hearts, they will receive and answer and the Spirit will surpass their understanding.

The Ortega's are so funny. We are teaching them how to do family home evening with them. The more I am around them, the more I realize that our relationship didn't start when I was a missionary. They are so dear and special to me.

Teaching is becoming so much easier because my love is growing and deepening. The Spirit has an interesting way of improving the quality and quantity of our love, because God is love.

#openyarmouth

Back in Vermont, one year ago, Sister Tarawhiti and I decided that we were going to be companions at the end of my mission. We've spent the rest of our missions hoping that we'd be companions. I knew she was coming here, I told the entire branch to expect her. She sat behind me at transfer meeting and we jumped out of our seats when they called our names! THIS IS A DIVINE COMPANIONSHIP. She is refined and ready to GO! We only have a short amount of time together - we are in HASTEN mode. It doesn't get better than this. We are going to RUN! RUN! RUN!

She's a spiritual giant. Sister Tarawhiti knows how to open a fire hydrant full of the spirit and unleash it onto everyone she sees. She is a great example to all those around her. We've helped each other in so many MANY ways. I love her.

SISTER COLLINS IS IN ONE OF THE AREAS WE SERVE WITH!!!! So I'll be going on exchanges with her shortly. The Lord is so good. We get to call each other WHENEVER WE WANT!

The Ortega family is all set to be baptized on October 19th. They cannot wait, and I can't either. I can't believe this is REAL. I wanted this so badly for so long. I will see families be baptized. They found BYUTV and haven't stopped watching it! They consistently read the Book of Mormon and are gaining a testimony of it!

The Smith's: I sat next to Jess in RS. The Spirit flooded the room and she was the first to recognize that. I have the best video of her dumping all the wine in her house down the drain. She's tapering her coffee intake down so she can gain a testimony that the Word of Wisdom is divinely established. Chris has a testimony of God, which is HUGE. We commit him to ask God is He is God, and to prove Himself to him. I love that we aren't expected to have blind faith, that faith is EVIDENCE of things not seen, which are true. Chris gets it. We started reading the Book of Mormon with them. They read and pray every night as a family and are just SHOOTING out of the ground in everything they are involved in. This has changed their lives for the best, and they recognize that. They give the Book of Mormon priority in their lives, make prayer a regular part of their day, hang out with the members all the time, and make church their first priority. Jess and I are VERY SIMILAR, we struggle with the exact same things. It's easy to teach them because they are my friends and I love them. 

I am doing well. I am currently sick for the first time in my mission, which is a downer. It's amazing when I get into teaching appointments, it's like it's lifted from my. The moment we go into someone's house I'm fine, the moment we leave it comes back. Evidence of God, I think so!

Ali is incredible, just as light and brilliant as ever before. The Holy Ghost has purified her as she's opened this wonderful gift. She's progressing in her business, and in every aspect of her life. 

Chuck and Linda are the cutest old couple! We had the coolest lesson with them on what the family is like in every estate of the Plan of Salvation. Studying that has increased my testimony of the importance of families in God's eyes. 

I was asked to bear my testimony of my witness of the Savior Sunday. I think it really started when I started to pray with all my heart, on my knees, vocally. If there's anything that has changed me for the best, it has been my nightly prayers. I account to the Lord. I ask Him to consecrate our plans for the next day. With the help and guidance of the Spirit I am able to identify weaknesses I didn't notice before. Through my prayers I have studied with Heavenly Father. Reverence and serenity in prayers are important, that is where we show the Lord our love for Him, are still, and have time to be with God. I'm grateful that I am His daughter. 

Naturalmanism

I don't want to spend my whole email talking about how exhausted I am, but that's about what happened this week. I'm too tired to come up with an articulate way to say this, so I'm just going to say it: I just want to crawl in bed and rest. I don't know what is keeping my body moving, because it doesn't want to move. I am in a routine that my body knows. It's a pile of mass moving due to good habits formed. It's not that I don't want to sleep past 6:15, I don't think I'm capable of it. I want to take a nap, but my mind won't stop running and my body follows it. I can't keep conversations going, I just sit back and listen, because I'm too exhausted to think of a response. 

In emergencies on airplanes, you are always instructed to supply oxygen to yourself, then to those surrounding you. One of the habits I have is supplying oxygen to those around me before myself. I am exhausted from it.

I eat healthy.

I sleep a full 8 hours.

I pray continually.

I run 6 days a week.

WHY do I feel this way?

It's as if I'm carrying rocks. I'm trying to find the literally enabling power of the Atonement. I need it.

I am grateful for the members and companions that made my birthday this year so special. I was so tired it's as if I wasn't there. I tried. I am tired. 

I try to relax but there are 5,000,000 things that need to be done before I can even close my eyelids. I am grateful it's a rule to be in bed at 10:30. Sometimes the best part of my day is my nightly prayer. I hand it ALL OVER to the Lord. I form all that has to be done into an object (in my mind) and give it to Him. Once the night is over there is nothing more I can do, but from the moment I wake up there's a weight placed upon me. It's HEAVY, and difficult to carry from day to day. I am grateful that this is His work though, but if He wants to get it done here, it has to be through me. I am His. He is doing it. 

It's not that I don't feel successful, or worry about my performance, I know the Lord is pleased with all the work I am doing. I feel His approval. However I don't feel like He wants me to feel this way physically, emotionally, and even at times spiritually. 

With Chris and Jessica we want them to prepare for an experience to understand that Heavenly Father exists and that He is their Father. We are immersing them in the Book of Mormon to be able to prepare them for an experience outside of themselves. God doesn't expect anyone to blindly believe He exists - faith is the EVIDENCE of things not seen - so we look for evidence. There is Spiritual evidence that comes through the Holy Ghost that trumps all others, and that's what we want them to experience. They've come to church every week since we've taught them, they pray consistently, now we just need to help them READ.

I don't blame anyone who has a hard time reading the Book of Mormon without a Christian background, or even with one for that matter. It requires spiritual eyes, and an open heart, to understand how to apply it. In just the first chapter there are dozens of words they won't recognize. We all must be taught by example HOW to read, and HOW to pray, HOW to be a disciple of Christ. 

We must read WITH people. Read the first 15 chapters with them, then have the members read the rest of the Book of Mormon with them. When you read with the people you teach their true concerns come out. Their testimonies come flying out of their mouths as well, when they realize what they're saying is their testimony they create an ember of the fire of faith.

Both of my companions go home TOMORROW. Aside from how exhausted I feel, these oast few weeks with Sister Westling and Sister Cotant have been the best of my mission. It is the greatest trio I've ever seen. What's weird is that I'll see them sooner than a lot of my friends serving with me...

AN Y WAYZ 

Yesterday we had stake conference, which was INCREDIBLE. We had Elder and Sister Wilson of the seventy come and speak (we also had zone conference with them this week). I love how equal they are. After stake conference we went over to the Seymour's (she has become my mother away from my mother). They got together with the elders and made a beautiful gluten free meal. We then came home, did some planning (weekly planning went out the door this week with my companions going home and all), went to the Wilson's, then to the Segar's. I was with people I love. The Oxford sisters slept over for stake conference Saturday night to my birthday (5 sisters, one itty bitty apartment) so we partied until 10:30, then woke up on my birthday to breakfast!