Rocks, and the Last Miracle

Sister Crowley brought me a bag of rocks and shells on Sunday from their backyard along the ocean. She told me to pay attention to the rocks as she handed me the bag. Maine is built on rocks, she said. In New England, where there aren't trees, there are usually rocks (or farms). We are BUILDING upon rocks. Nature is the great parable, so it'd make sense that the nature that surrounds me is my great parable to learn form. The rocks are beautiful, and often show thousands of years within their layers. Rocks are the most common material on earth (if I remember correctly). I just find it profound that they surround me. It leads me out to the shore to a living water with all its creatures and connections. It amazes me that one body of water connects us all together. Simply beautiful. (Elder Morgan, you're not far!)

I've felt a lot of anxiety leading up to the past week. It's interesting, the closer I get to leaving, the more peace I feel. I've attained the vision I set out to accomplish. What I'm realizing more and more is that when we give our all, so does the Lord. When you sacrifice for Him and put Him first, He will fill you with what is BEST (because He is the BEST). When you're giving your all, it's easy to expect all from the Lord. He wants you to succeed! I feel free and confident that I have done what I came here to do.

My goal on Wednesday is to filter the noise that will enter into my life. I want to stay lifted, and not adjust back to who I was. I have to make my life who I am now, because it currently represents who I was. Repentance, it's never ending :) 

I felt so strongly that there was a family I needed to find before I left. I prayed, He heard, then He answered. A few weeks ago we helped move the Fackrell family out of their home. On the other side of their driveway was the home (or barn) of the family who was ready to move. The Fackrells asked if they needed help. They accepted. We never heard anything more. Thursday we went tracting. I was with Sister Collins and Hoffman. The neighborhood was new to the area, but most of the homes had new families living there. The first house we knocked on was empty. We knocked the rest of the houses on the street and were making our way back to our car when we noticed a moving truck in the driveway of the empty house. We started unloading the truck. We got talking and they told us they knew a family who went to our church, the Fackrells. They were the family we were originally supposed to help move. Ashley is 7 months pregnant, and Adam herniated a disc in his back just a few days prior... What were they thinking unloading an entire truck alone! Ha! God sent us their. They have a two year old named Reagan. This family is adorable! Kingdom builders is what I call 'em! She grew up Catholic, him Methodist. They've been trying to decide where to baptize their children. They are "searching." We shared the gift (#sharethegift) with them and the sisters are going back this week to teach them. Ashley and Adam are good friends with most of the people in our branch, so they're already fellow shipped. I can't wait to hear how it goes, I know they are in good hands!

I asked Chuck early last week if he was ready to flock the nest with his new eagles wings... He looked as if he was going to panic that I was leaving! I told him that he is an EAGLE, and he can fly! What a goob, he responded by telling me he was the bird who would fall right onto the ground (jokingly). He is an eagle. Chuck is so funny, I ask him what he needs to do and he tells me what he can do better with! He's the most transparent man I've ever met. He's almost read the entire Book of Mormon, again, since September. Agh. It was amazing to hear the branch lift both Jesse and Chuck as they BOTH passed the sacrament (Chuck for the first time). Chuck and Linda are always ontime for church, so I suggested to President McEntire that he prepare the sacrament as his assignment. He is so excited to do his "priestly duties" (Nacho Libre). Our theme forever more is Isaiah 40:31. Chuck is the eagle. I know he can do this, and he knows it too! I especially love watching the Atonement work in his life as he changes every day.

The Ortega's are splendid. We had an early Christmas the other night. I'm amazed at how much they give. They give in work, action, gift, and in every way they can. I was thinking about it, I don't know if outside of my mission I ever got to know anyone the way I know these people, and the way they know me. We know each other's souls. They'll be out to Utah in October for their sealing. Until then, we can skype and do studies there! The nice thing about going home is I can communicate with the people I love so much easier than if I got transferred. Ariez is set, she is serving a mission. She's having her friends ask more questions about the church, she's comfortable answering them honestly! She wants to make her church life and her school life the same, and the Spirit will guide her in that. How grateful I am to my heavenly Father for placing these people in my path to teach me charity.

Hanover taught me diligence and knowledge.

Manchester taught me patience and knowledge.

Yarmouth taught me love and more knowledge.

I believe this Gospel is true because of the physical evidence of the Book of Mormon, and the raw feelings the Gospel brings me. It opens the "mysteries" of life to those who seek to know them. I'm grateful for a fully atoning and comprehending Savior, who lived a life full of principles that we can strive to make our own. He is the prefect example. The way He empathizes with me personally is remarkable. We all deal with the same, redundant sins (Satan isn't creative, he only does what works), but in such unique circumstances. I struggle to talk about the Atonement because I feel it is so general for something that is universal and individual to the human race. There's so much I don't know about it. Thank goodness for the Book of Mormon that teaches us about the purpose of the Atonement, and its application into our lives. The Book of Mormon is full of principles the bring this power into our lives. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is its name, it is the recipe of God! Along with the Book of Mormon comes a testimony of Joseph Smith, the head of our dispensation. He revealed to the people the true Doctrine of Christ, and the character of the Father and the Son. Accompanied with these truths is the Priesthood. My testimony of Joseph Smith has come gradually throughout my mission, and will continue throughout my life. The more I learn about him, the more I realize how heavenly Father can work through all of us. He uses us to do His work, we are the kingdom builders, laborers in the vineyard. As we labor we run, lift, serve, and love!

I am grateful for the means the have allowed me to have this experience. The only one who will understand what it was like is my Savior. It's something special we can share together, no one else will fully understand what the mission was like and what joy has been brought to me. I'm overcome with joy for the people I have served, but who really have served me. Heavenly Father has given me the GREATEST mission anyone could've ever asked for. I needed to come here because I needed the people here to teach me what they know. I had to come here to be on the sacred soil of the Restoration of the Gospel, to learn what it's like to fulfill prophecy. Eventually, just as in times of old, these people will come to know Joseph, and when they do, they will never fall! We need a testimony of the Savior, and of Joseph Smith,. which for me has come through the Book of Mormon. It's a sacred place to be and I'm grateful for that. I have been given more than I could have ever imagined. I had no idea the joy I could feel, the capacity I had to love, and the ability I had to serve. God has answered every prayer I've sent up His way. My mission has opened the portal to heaven for me.

See y'all Wednesday!...

THE HOLY DONUT in Portland

Chuck gave me a gift his grandma gave his mom about 70 years ago from Arizona when I was departing from their house. Oh so special.

Be Still.

Before my mission Adrian gave a lesson on serenity and reverence that changed my relationship with Christ from the inside out. "Be still, and know that I am God" Psalms 46:10. He broke down "serenity" and "reverence."

Serenity:

-STILL-CALM-PEACE

Reverence:

-RESPECT-HONOR-AFFECTION/LOVE

Being still is allowing yourself to experience a full range of knowledge through your thoughts, emotions, and surroundings. I read a talk where it talked about how your first thought isn't usually your best thought. If you really want to learn, you musty continue until you reach your own bank of knowledge, not someone else's. The Spirit will teach you and guide you as you use your mind to get past the initial thought. Being "still" must be accompanied with gratitude. In D&C 59 the Lord instructs the saints as to how to better keep the Sabbath. He lists many of the commandments, then ends with a sweet promise. Verse 15 and 16: "inasmuch as ye do these things with thanksgiving, with cheerful hearts and countenances, not with much laughter, for this is sin, but with a glad heart and a cheerful countenance - verily I say, that inasmuch as ye do this, the fullness of the earth is yours..." The Lord then lists his creations, the earth, the animals, etc. He wants us to experience, in full, all that He has created for us. He wants this for us so badly that He has promised it to us if we but do what He asks! We are blind when we aren't grateful. "When we are grateful, we can see things that would normally be invisible" (I can't remember where I heard that, sorry!). When we are still, we experience the "fullness of the earth." It's honesty with all that is around us! It's living with transparency!

That which surrounds me is a reflection of what is inside of me, how my mind is organized, what my priorities are. Our surroundings has a great influence upon our spirituality. The way I organize my clothes, my desk, mark my scriptures, it reflects who I am. I want to make sure that my surroundings always make room for the Spirit to flow, so that I can be taught. Knowledge FEEDS me. In my exit interview, President Stoker talked about how the deeper on knowledge is, typically the deeper our conversion (second witness to the bible dictionary). 

I am having a hard time allowing myself to be open to the up's and down's of this last bit. I don't know if I feel peace, or denial. I have asked for the Lord to help me lose myself for ONE LAST WEEK... Just one week... I am grateful that I've found those I needed to find so far, to teach me all that I needed to know, to experience the joy of the Gospel WITH ME. I truly didn't think I was capable of experiencing so much, but that is the promise when we obey and remember (both associated in all our covenants and open an increased capacity of love). 

This week was VERY busy indeed. I went on exchanges with an angel. Sister Farrally is different than anyone I've ever met. I honestly believe she has angels surrounding her, I could feel it. She's been out for 5 weeks, this was her first exchange. I want to serve with her so I can learn from her. She radiates love in humility. She is MEEK in its element. I just have never met anyone like her. I love her. It was her dream to step into the Atlantic ocean, so at 8:55 we dipped our toes into the Atlantic, the temp was in the teens, then rushed home just before we turned into pumpkins! Toes frozen! We went over to the Seymour's for dinner, Sister Farrally pops open her scriptures after the lesson and reads Mosiah 24:12-15 to Sister Seymour... Sister Seymour just LOSES IS. Tears EVERYWHERE. Hugs. Answers to prayers. It was everything she needed, it was incredible watching Sister Farrally's confidence grow in such humility as we soaked it all in.

I remember the same feelings when I first went on exchange with my current companion, Sister Tarawhiti. She has been an example from the beginning. I knew the Lord knew there was more I had to learn from her. Our companionship is divine. We've needed to be together to witness what we have. We have become one in unity with this branch (to the point where all I feel like I do is EAT and teach). These members adore her because she is herself in all circumstances. I adore her because she listens, supports, and allows me to be who I am! I love her respect for all. I just love her.

We had interviews this week an an incredible training on our new mission vision.... RESCUE 1000 IN 2015! A rescue is a baptism or reactivation. It breaks down to 20 rescues/unit. We did a training on the oval chart, and some of the records we'll have to dust off from the closets (new and returning record forms). It was hard giving the training knowing I wouldn't be there to see it happen, but I knew how important it was to get this information out. It's the best way we can accomplish our purpose next year! I love how goal oriented President Stoker is. I had my exit interview, it was more peaceful than I thought it'd be. I love President Stoker, he has such mercy and meekness.

Jesse Ortega passed the sacrament for the first time yesterday. What a PRIESTHOOD MAN. He held the tray as if he was holding something of great worth. He acted as the Savior would if he were administering it himself. A man got up and bore his testimony on all that he felt as he watched Jesse pass. Jesse and Silvia both taught US this week... We've been asking them to do that, they learn more that way. Silvia gave me a faith peptalk, that I can do ALL things through Christ. Jesse focused on life before we came to earth. They were both fluid in their use of scriptures, from the Bible to the Book of Mormon. They bring me so much joy, just seeing their progression.

My surroundings, these people, they've brought me more joy than I've ever felt before. I have been able to act as the Savior would to help them. I know this is His work, because He's been able to do it through me. This is His work. I believe that with my whole heart because I feel it! As Sydney said long ago, the Gospel is real because it beings such raw emotions out of us. I don't know how to convey the LOVE I have for the Ortega's, or the Smith's, or the Segar's, or any of the people in Hanover, or Yarmouth, or JoAnne, I just love them so much! They bring me JOY. 

Talk to you next week! Oh, please, if you're going to send me a letter please send it to my house...

Sister Farrally

MY MISSION POSTERITY!!! (Sister Collins, Sister Bee)

The Spirit CANNOT Lie

Where to start... These past few weeks have been like days. I can see God up in Heaven saying you me "silly mortal, why are you so obsessed with time?" I've been trying to let lose, but the harder I try the more anxiety I feel. This is harder than I ever imagined. I apologize for not sending out a weekly email the past few weeks, every second I have is crammed with a to-do list.

November 17th we took the Ortega family up to the Joseph Smith memorial. On our way up, we passed through each of my areas. Leading up to our trip was one of the most testimony shattering weeks of my life. I felt my testimony was turning into powder underneath my feet. Where was my rock?! The Gospel became a fable told to man to keep us happy. I took so many questions that people had asked me, and as I do to try to help them, I made them my own. I needed to go through each of my areas to experience the feelings I had felt in each of them. There's something VERY special to me about Hanover, I don't know what it is, but that area is sacred ground. Between Dartmouth and the Joseph Smith Memorial I felt a peace that completely surpassed my understanding. As we drive up to the memorial through the trees, Silvia starts screaming with joy. A few years ago, she had a dream where she saw a road lined in trees beckoning her towards the top. She continued to have this dream numerous times, in all different seasons. Sometimes the trees were skinny and other times larger. She has looked for them everywhere! We drove up and THOSE WERE THE TREES. It all became so real to her, and was beautiful to watch her testimony of the reality of this Gospel grow. 

We took the stake president with us to our last appointment with Chris and Jessica. It was interesting to observe their body language. Walking in was painfully awkward. They know they've missed church, and church has missed them! It's like a bad break up for the entire branch. We taught them about the companionship of the Holy Ghost. Leaving their home was a sweet experience, underlying it all was God'd time. Jessica said it herself that she is quite impulsive, and she wants to give this more time. They are not closing the door to this, only wanting it to come naturally as it came into their lives. We asked many questions about their journey towards God. Testimonies of God, prayer, and the principles of the Gospel flew from their mouths! They named each of the blessing we promised them in the beginning as promises they are seeing fulfilled. The Spirit was very clear to all of us, promising us that their time will come. I trust in that, because the Spirit cannot lie. 

In the sacred grove, just before the first vision, Joseph Smith feels a power so real and negative he feels he is about to die. It was necessary and God allowed that to happen because it forced Joseph to exercise enough faith in Christ to experience the first vision. Such things will happen in our lives in order to increase our faith in Christ to obtain all that God has in store for us. 

I feel like the powder that was left under me from a few weeks ago has turned into cement. I do believe this Gospel to be true, and the Restoration to have happened. I believe it because I have the Book of Mormon in front of me, standing as evidence that God does care about us, and that He exists. The blessing the Gospel has given me are real, and nothing could compromise my desire for them. President Stoker made us a strong promise, that we would remain in the church if we read from the Book of Mormon daily. I look forward to doing that throughout my life. I believe that you must study it at least until you feel the Spirit, if that is all you have time for. 

Oh yes, the Ortega's went to the temple for baptisms! Jesse has turned into the Priesthood Man. What a guy!

We had a massive snow storm that threw off all our appointments with our new investigator family! ...But it was beautiful. Snow storms always make me thankful for the men in my life who have always gone out and shoveled for me. Shout out to my dad and brothers!

We had an appointment with Nick and Kelly Villacci. We walked in with our member and Nick's cousin and his wife were there. This man looked like he could be a poster-man for the NFL. He was just massive. His name is John. His wife, Julia. We talked for a while and they start to ask questions about what we believe. Nick was sharp and taught them about the restoration, I didn't even know he knew it so well! He told him that he sees something different in us, we aren't like other people and he is drawn to that. It was wonderful to hear him testify of the Gospel! Sister Tarawhiti and I had to leave soon, and the conversation turned from the Gospel to a number of hot topics. We ask them if we can sing, then we sang Brightly Beams for them. We finish and John is in TEARS. This big burly man is in pieces! He gets talking and he tells us the story of how when he was fishing for lobsters one day his feet got stuck in the traps. He was in the water and just went DOWN. His lungs were about to pop, he looked up and saw the rays of light piercing through the water. He was at peace with leaving this life. Just as he closed his eyes to die, he was yanked out of the water by the boat. He lives. We had a closing prayer, got a return appointment, and then it snowed and we couldn't make it. John and Julia have two kids, 8 and 10 years old. 

#sharethegift 

The Pendulum

"Greed and lust, though they have always been friends, have never formed quite the cartel they have formed now. It is global. It is profitable."

- Neal A. Maxwell

The adversary is clever to deceive the hearts of the children of men when he tailors his instruments towards SELF. Satan has parades surrounding us to feed our pride. He creates systems that offer the same principles as the Gospels, only completely counterfeit and pointed at the natural man. It is to feed ourselves power to climb up the "greasy hierarchy" of the powers of this world. The people lost in these parades are, as Paul describes, "ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth" (2 Tim 3:7). I call it the American Dream. It is perfectly described in Jacob chapter 7 when Sherem, under the influence of the adversary, obtains power and seeks for authority, recognition, and wealth (it is no wonder the Book of Mormon associates wealth and 'costly apperal' with apostasy?). He is lifted to the desire of his heart, then dropped. Satan will lead you to power then he will leave you abandoned. It is the principle against the natural man that is taught in the Book of Mormon time and time again. You cannot place mammon before God. You cannot place anything before God. Money will not satisfy the thirst of your soul. Eternity, and God are more real than what we are experiencing on earth. It is a reality that we live preoccupied with the lesser things in life that are not "portable." When we succumb to the priorities of the world, lesser things become our priorities. Priorities are the window to the desires of our hearts, when God is not first, our hearts become hard. It as if concrete blocks pile one on top of the other until it is against God's own laws speak to us. He will, only if we ask.

I've just seen this too many times. Satan's tricks are not creative, he does not change what works. The results are always the same, it's the same equation every time. Mom pointed out to me "truth + truth + lie = he's won" (you've lost). Think about Eve in the Garden of Eden: two truths, one lie!

The Smith's aren't sure what to do right now. They're reading the Book of Mormon again, but only because we ask. Jessica and I had one of the most heart wrenching discussions I've had in my life when she told me about her feelings. She doesn't know if this is for them. She admit her heart has become hardened. I asked her if she wanted to feel the same way she felt before they went to California, she didn't really give me an answer. She told me they like to have us over, but it's become more because they like to host than they think this is the course for them. They know what they've felt, I think we need to remind them of that. Once they've softened they'll come back to it. It was interesting, a few weeks ago I was trying to obtain a promise from the Lord in my fast that maybe they will be baptized the 30th. Every time, the Spirit said otherwise. I had to continue to revise my petition to the Lord. I did feel an overwhelming feeling that they will be baptized in time. So it's not over. We still have a few more weeks with them. We will continue to teach them, hopefully they'll "be believing." She knows that's what she must do. Their faith is so new, so fragile. Pray for them, please. "Whatsoever ye shall ask in faith [in Christ], being united in prayer according to me command, ye shall receive" (D&C 29:6).

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore TAKE UNTO YOU THE WHOLE ARMOUR OF GOD, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, HAVING DONE ALL, TO STAND" (Ephesians 6:12-13).

We met a less active tracting a few weeks back and scheduled an appointment with her and with Sister Quinn. She was upfront with us in that she appreciates the visit, but doesn't want to come back to church, what's new! We arrive, sit, sang a song for them, the Spirit was so thick you could probably put it in your pocket and sprinkle it onto everyone else you talked with that day. We prayed. She's moved. We start in 1 Nephi 1. She starts to testify to us of the truthfulness of the Gospel, the Spirit moves her to continue, she talks about how she is a daughter of God, HER TESTIMONY WAS FLYING OUT OF HER MOUTH... They she shut the book and told us she didn't want to do this anymore. It's like she thought you could turn the facet off and the Spirit would stop. It didn't. We sang again, she's just in tears. She opened up about her concerns and just isn't ready to repent. Sister Quinn offered her a place next to her at church. We left. We will follow up with her in a few weeks, she's still down for visits. My heart just ACHES. WHY do people want to go through life the easy, hard way. The Gospel is the hard, at first, easy way. It is the best way to live your life, true or not! (but it is true).

Through all of that we met multiple families who want us to come share more with them, most of them are busy until Thanksgiving though! So that was just wonderful. 

Only one set of the six sisters we work with isn't training a new missionary - things are crazy.

I feel so focused with all that is happening. I had the worst dream (nightmare) last night about going home, I feel like it's in the back of my mind and is just nagging at me. The stake president brought it up, I just started crying ha. He said something helpful however. He told me to have faith in God's plan for ME, that He can created a great path. It's a strange thing to think that you also have to have faith in your own life, not just others'. Uncomfortable almost.

THROW BACK TO WHEN SISTER TARAWHITI AND I WANTED TO BE COMPANIONS!!! (last year) The first snow, last year!

Throwback to Maria, before and after the Gospel. Look at her light.

My Constant

Everyone has questions of the soul. I have felt my own triggered this week from many of the people I talked with, and even some of you. Their experiences have caused me to reflect on God's wisdom, His love, grace, mercy, long-suffering, I came to Him with questions. Sister Tarawhiti took a nap during lunch one day while experiences and stories created a whirlwind in my mind. At first I notices others' thoughts filling my brain, but as I continued to ponder I came to the knowledge of a sweet, eternal reality. It was so liberating to admit that I don't have faith in the world, at all. I actually don't even have hope in it. I don't need faith in this, nor hope. Moroni confirms that in chapter 7 verse 41. WHAT IS IT THAT YE SHALL HOPE FOR? BEHOLD I SAY UNTO YOU THAT YE SHALL HAVE HOPE THROUGH THE ATONEMENT AND THE POWER OF HIS RESURRECTION, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of YOUR FAITH IN HIM ACCORDING TO THE PROMISE. I have faith in Christ, because of the promises I have made with Him in the temple and at baptism. I understand that I don't have faith in anything else, and I don't need it. I am faithful and confident as I think about being spit into a world of chaos and discrimination that I will not need to worry, because I am building upon a ROCK, a SOLID FOUNDATION, whereon if men build upon, they CANNOT FALL. We need to read the scriptures the way they were written, it is simple and so plain. Christ is my constant, and that is my theme for my final transfer. HE IS MY CONSTANT. My eyes are being opened to see that the Book of Mormon is the patriarchal blessing for our nation. The principles taught in it will tie us to God, and allow us to lead HAPPY, JOYFUL LIVES in a world, where, like Moroni, you must stand firm and strong. What we are asked to do, is to have charity towards ALL MEN. To LOSE yourself in the cause of bringing up those around you. He has blessed me with gifts I know come from Him, and I feel the responsibility to use them for His benefit.

As I have strived to take care of one thing, my faith in Christ. I have realized that He is LIVING, WORKING, BREATHING, and ever involved with every detail. He is the way things get done around here. It's simplified my missionary work, just realizing that that's all I need to worry about. I have gained a confidence in Him. He is not stationary, He is actively involved in all that I am doing. I am glad I can see His hand, whether it be in the knowledge and testimony He has given me, or the blessings He's surrounded me with. I love the Lord.

Saturday night I sat down with Chuck. Linda and Sister Tarawhiti were talking, so I took the opportunity to really understand what Chuck is feeling. He hadn't received the priesthood yet, and was scared. I could feel it. Chuck and I have a special connection where I feel like we understand each other's souls. I wrote on a sticky note, as I did when he was baptized, LEAN ON MY FAITH. His feet are strengthening as he gives himself permission to stand. He received the priesthood the following day. I have learned that often times we don't even have to leave people with a commitment, the Spirit does that for us. How grateful I am for Christ, who is involved in all our lives. We have a loving Father who DOES (though it may seem otherwise, it is never not) do everything for our benefit. We went over to the Quinn's for lunch after church with the Segars where Brother Quinn was able to give us all the Priesthood talk. I was so glad to see Chuck open up to Brother Quinn. I want Chuck to learn about the Priesthood through a Priesthood holder who can walk him through it the rest of his life, and I know that the Quinn's would be willing to do that.

Chris and Jessica returned home from their California trip (I missed them so much) and reported that they hadn't read the Book of Mormon. They opened up about their concerns during church. They're figuring out how to hold onto many of their stances on some of the more controversial topics of the Gospel, while also understanding that the Gospel FILLS them completely like nothing else around them. They recognize that there was a void that was filled as we came over. We started our lesson singing I Need Thee Every Hour, it brought the Spirit in in such a lovely way. I love how music does that. We dropped their date for now, they have so much going on this month. We want them to be excited and ready for that day!!

The Ortega family is built on a rock. We see them almost daily and hope to be able to teach their son Diego soon, he came to church! How I LOVE the way Jesse parents. He does everything he does with LOVE and with a vision of eternity. He will do great things in our branch (soon to be a ward). He owns the Priesthood man. He is meek, and lowly. When I think of those qualities, how meekness is humility in action, not just the surface of it, I think of Jesse. How he loves his family and will do anything for them. Silvia wears her heart on her sleeves and everyone else's! That woman knows how to love as well! Her testimony and knowledge of a living Christ is inspiring. She lifts from where she stands and is a light in their home. Ariez had a great experience of repentance, where she kneeled down and felt the freedom of repenting. It is healing. They are sprinting along the strait and narrow path. We have the Wilsons as home teachers and all went over to their home for dinner last night. I love that I can count on the members to take care and love those I love so much.

I said it before, I'll say it again. Heavenly Father wanted me to experience what charity feels like, so He blessed me with these people. They have taught me unconditional love. With all my heart I would do anything for any of them. ANYTHING. 

Sister Tarawhiti is just a spark of light into every conversation we make with those around us. While I was on exchanges she visit one of our referral families, the Quinn's old neighbors, and taught the Restoration. We will be back to their home before the 6th, so I can meet them! What a bomb companion I have! Even when I was on exchange I LONGED to be in Yarmouth, almost to the point of tears I missed those we were teaching that night. I come home to a house at 9:30, but their homes are my home. I was, for one of the first times, truly homesick, and I was only gone for 24 hours. How I LOVE these people and want to spend every minute of my life watching them grow in the Gospel and see their families come closer together. The blessings of this Gospel are so real.

Bella Ortega's beautiful hair.

Weekly planning during Halloween

The Lone Trump

The two minute warning has sounded; we have reached the end of the last quarter of the game. It is the "eleventh hour" (D&C 33:3). The winner has already been determined, but what is the score? The Lord's laborers are few, but mighty in His hands. He gives them a pep talk: they have played a good game, a close game at that, but it is not over. There is still time, just enough to take the offense to the end. It's been exhausting, wet, cold, yet successful. The laborers are EXHAUSTED, but will not go down without a fight.

Lift up your voices as with the SOUND OF A TRUMP (D&C 33:2). In seminary this morning Brother Knighton compared it to a lone trumpet playing taps. Trumpets are annoying instruments when they aren't played in the right settings (in my opinion anyway), but the one picture running through my mind is the lone trumpet on Memorial Day playing taps. All stand around in solemn silence, the spirit is "quick, and powerful, sharper than a two-edge sword" (D&C 33:1). The air is alive with the souls of those who have gone before you. It's alive, yet so still it's sacred. You don't dare to breathe a word to disrupt the serenity and power of silence. That is how I want to spend the rest of my mission: declaring the Gospel as with a sound of a trump. With the Spirit of revelation and prophecy, with great power that comes with authority. We are lone, but we can be like the lone trumpet.

This morning was Ariez's first time in seminary. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see someone at 6:15 in the morning as I was to see her there. Brother Knighton was talking about the ELECT and how Ariez is elect because she is believing and hearkens unto His voice (D&C 33:6). He asked if we'd been a part of her conversion, she nodded her head. He asked if we've changed her life forever, she nodded with eagerness. I was about to LOSE it. I can't even begin to take in the reality of these blessings. Heavenly Father has given me abilities equal to my opportunities to preach His Gospel.

Sister Tarawhiti and I always seem to receive revelation as we talk with each other, it's one of the reasons why companionship study holds some of the greatest memories of my mission. We talked about humility, and I made an interesting comparison. It's not very nice, but I learned a lot from it! Ha! We are like the teenage girls that keep getting into the wrong crowd, Heavenly Father plays the Father. You can tell the girl she's making all the wrong decisions, but she won't change because she's stuck. Your words are like wind passing through her fingers. Nothing you say will impact her until she decides to listen. It's humility. It's coming to God, with a contrite heart, willing to change. The reason we don't progress, and often fall short is because we are weighed down with such unnecessary baggage that we stumble and fall. We must let go of the baggage. When we are humble, we give it up. We aren't free until we do that. Just like the trapped daughter, she is stuck until she reaches for help. 

We went on two exchanges this week, we were barely in our area. I went to Damariscotta with Sister Keown and then we blitzed Oxford with Sister Banda. The weather was nasty this past week - RAIN, COLD RAIN, LOTS OF RAIN. Sister Banda was a champ. We kept going through it all and found really solid families for them to teach! It was the most successful tracting I've ever done! IN THE POURING RAIN! I wore my Hunter wellings and raincoat. Before we got in the car I took my boots off and poured out all the water IN them, wrung my socks out, it was all worth it. SO COLD.

Oh yes, this past week was my last zone conference. We watched Meet the Mormons and read all about the Atonement in the Book of Mormon. President Stoker's leadership is incredible, simply because of how much trust he has in us. He figures that if the Lord trusts us as much as he does, than he can too. Our entire conference was on the Book of Mormon! We trained all the missionaries on what I sent you last week, fasting and prayer. We saw some neat miracles from fasting this week as well. We found this adorable family down the street from us in Cumberland. They have the cutest home, they're just the cutest people!! They want us to come back! The mom's name is Karen, she was so sweet, even at 8:45 at night while we were tracting ha! That never happens!

Looking at the map wondering where we're going to go next in Sister Cotant's old blanket.

Perfect Faith

My entire mission and all the knowledge I've received along the way paved the way to the knowledge I received this week regarding faith, fasting, and prayer. My prayers have been tailored to understand what was taught to us last night through Brother Wilson (I am grateful for his knowledge, and for sharing it to help me understand the potential my faith has). I want to share with you my notes, but you'll only understand them if you are sufficiently humble. We're talking faith you must have in Christ's perfect faith to align the will of the Father with our own desires. Heavenly Father's will is whatever we have faith to receive. The 40 day fast that we did in September is exactly this kind of faith. Faith that things which do not normally happen, transpire because of our faith in Christ. God has perfect faith, and the Priesthood is access to God's perfect faith. We must only have faith in that to obtain any blessing from the Lord! This is the kind of faith where if sufficient faith had not been exercised the miracle would not have happened, repeating that point because I have seen that. You and I know where the root of these blessings come from, the blessing of baptizing the Ortega family, and soon the be the Smith family, Chuck Segars, it all comes from God. This faith is the faith to CAUSE things to happen. When we unite our faith in Christ it is impossible for the Lord to withhold blessings from us, which He does NOT want to do. He only withholds blessings from us so we can learn how to exercise the kind of faith to pull down to powers of heaven according to our desires - so you must have PURE desires! Brother Wilson talked with us about how we can ask for the right things for the wrong reasons, and that's why we don't receive blessings most of the time. 

The first thing you must do to have a POWERFUL fast is have a REAL desire that burns so badly it's a need. Moroni 7:33-34. Also, is it a righteous desire? The scriptures are littered with righteous desires, so search those! Your faith is limited upon the knowledge that this is a real, pure desire. How do you know if it's righteous or not after searching the scriptures/ ASK GOD of course!

Next step: WRESTLE with the Spirit. Please your case. Pray like never before to obtain a promise from the Lord that He sees and acknowledges your desire. If you haven't received a confirmation from the Spirit, you might have to refine your desires to get the confirmation you need to fast with faith. 

While you fast, you must continue to wrestle with the Lord in prayer. The hard work is JUST beginning. Fast for Him to know it's a desire! Remember, when you receive a confirmation from the Spirit, the Spirit CANNOT LIE. so have faith in that! The Lord will wait for our desire and faith to be on point. 

Do all you can do to follow through, in whatever case that may be. Say we want to baptize a family, then we must put in the work to find the family while wrestling with the Spirit and keeping our hearts pure. 

 31 Who am I, saith the Lord, that have promised and have not fulfilled?

 32 I command and men obey not; I revoke and they receive not the blessing.

 33 Then they say in their hearts: This is not the work of the Lord, for his promises are not fulfilled. But wo unto such, for theirreward lurketh beneath, and not from above. (D&C 58:31-33)

13 Require not miracles, except I shall command you, exceptcasting out devils, healing the sick, and against poisonousserpents, and against deadly poisons;

 14 And these things ye shall not do, except it be required of you by them who desire it, that the scriptures might be fulfilled; for ye shall do according to that which is written. (D&C 24:13-14)

Fasting is a completely Spiritual event, we know that through fasting our faith GROWS. There's a correlation there I'd like to learn more about when I have access to more than the lds library. 

There's a wall between us any any blessing from the Lord that can only be broken in our perfect faith in the Savior's perfect faith! 

Little notes from this week: God has allowed us to become like Him, because we have already the full potential to become like Him.

President Stoker did an amazing training in MLC on the HEALING power of the Atonement. I will share some of his thoughts with some of my own as I've pondered. I couldn't help but think of many of you as I pondered about the different struggles we are have in life. It's an odd thing, because many of us deal with the same sin, and have the same consequences, yet we need an individual remedy tailored to our unique circumstances. We all need to be healed. We all experience pain from either our own sins or those around us. Chris experienced the pains of mortality prior to the Atonement, in fact much of His life was spent alone! We develop great growth and maturation through healing. Healing causes us to change. Healing HURTS - mentally and spiritually. Chris cares more about our growth and development than he does our own suffering, because the change we undergo is vital to who we need to become. Healing is a gift that requires suffering. 

3 Steps to HEALING:

1) Courage. The making of action in spite of fear. We gain courage by facing the truth that we need to change. We must be honest with ourselves. Make your private life the same as your public life. Live differently than the world lives! 

2) Action. 2 Nephi 2:16. Action is the point where belief turns into faith. ACTING in faith leads to grace. Truly I have come to understand that acting in faith is the trial of mortality. We are here learn the faith that God has, that is why we have been given a veil to shield us from spoiling the experience. Fear of man and procrastination keep us from acting in faith and learning this beautiful lesson! Procrastination is failure to repent now. "The more often a person fails without action the less he will be able to act, the less he will be able to feel." C.S. Lewis ( I love that President Stoker is always quoting C.S. Lewis). We overcome procrastination through prayer.

3) Grace. Courage into action to receive help through Christ. Grace proved: Mosiah 24:13-16, Alma 31:31-38. We receive grace through the Holy Ghost, because the Holy Ghost is the vehicle through which we receive love from God. We experience grace through others - ANGELS in mortality. We extend grace through the ways we show love, often our words.

We saw all these things come together in action as the Ortega family was baptized yesterday. This is what it feels like to receive whatever you have faith to receive through the cumulative faith of a branch. I looked over to see them, dressed in white, ready to make a covenant with the Lord. They accessed the Atonement for the first of many times in their loves. We watched as the three of them went down individually to be baptized. I was completely overwhelmed with the Spirit (even with all the chaos of putting on a family baptism).Heavenly Father promised to us as we fast for 40 days for this to happen that it would happen, in His own time, in His own way, and it HAPPENED. A spirit of excitement and beginnings filled the chapel as they filed in. We had a moment to talk with Jesse about how it was while waiting for the girls to get changed after, he sees this as such a blessing. It is so real to him. He is meek and humble, understanding deeply the feelings of the Spirit and giving them place in his heart. Ariez was overcome with "warm fuzzies" and even a desire to serve a mission. Silvia couldn't even believe how wonderful it was! Words cannot convey the experience of watching a family enter into the waters of baptism. Heavenly Father is teaching me what charity really feels like, I am so grateful for that. He understood the desires of my heart and has answered them.

Along with things prayed for... Chris and Jessica Smith have a date to be baptized on November 30th. Chris bore his testimony of God. We were all in a puddle of tears as he did so. It had to come from something outside of himself. God heard his prayers, and all of ours! It was a mark for the beginning of his relationship with God on earth. They are such a driven family! Driven to acheive whatever they put their minds and hearts to! They want the best for their family and are getting that with the Gospel. They get it. They just get it! Jessica is going 58(I believe) hours without coffee for the first time coming up this week.

Chuck and Linda Segars are preparing their family history so they can take their families to the temple! Same with Ali. There's connecting energy all around you whenever you help someone do family history. It's a sign that the hastening of the work is real, and is happening ALL AROUND US in a very literal way.

My companion, Sister Tarawhiti, is the best person to be with me right now. It's so helpful to have a spiritual giant you can bounce ideas, faith, and everything off of! She lifts me higher and aspires me to try harder. I love that she invites all around her to repent, she takes that literally, and you can see people's lives change because of it! She's a miracle worker.

Sorry if I don't write some of you back this week, please take this as the response!

Photos:

the night we got to the mission home. I was so tired.

Sister Tarawhiti and I laughing at something.... the laugh that makes you hurt.

SISTER PANKRATZ!! I didn't even mention exchanges this week! We prayed SOOOO HARD for a miracle to happen. The sisters just got shotgunned into Topsham and have no one to teach! RIGHT after we left, they found a family to teach. The Lord answers our prayers when we do our best, and He sees fit to grant us according to our desires. I love Sister Pankratz and Sister Smith.